Welcome to my pity party. Won't you sit down and make yourself comfortable? If you don't feel like listening to me whine, go ahead and step away from the blog.
I feel over worked and under appreciated.
I've written this post several times already and I've deleted every one of them. I don't want to sound ungrateful for the things that I have. I have the two most beautiful children in the world. I have a great husband. I have a job; I have a car; I have many things that others may not be able to afford. I feel like I should emphasize that my feeling of being over worked has nothing to do with being a mother...at all. It's everything else. Working night shift, getting far less sleep than I need, cleaning up constantly...it's a lot. It's never ending, actually. Now I feel like I should say that I wouldn't change my life at all - I just wish I could juggle it a bit better. I want a house that I'm not embarrased about people coming into. I want clean floors and less clutter. I want more time and energy to clean. I want to make a lot of home improvements that are going to cost a fair amount of money and lots of time...time that I don't have right now. I want to be able to go one month and save money. Gah...I want, I want, I want. As much as I want to delete this post, I'm not going to. Maybe I'll read it again in a month and realize I have nothing to complain about and Jebus, what in the hell was wrong with me when I wrote this.
*Because I'm superstitious, plus my habit of feeling guilty over every single thing: I want to say that I am glad I have a job; I wouldn't trade my husband or kids for anything in the world (including a clean house and all the sleep I can possibly imagine). Even though the night shift hours are not my favorite, it's the best for our family. It means no daycare for the kids; one of us is always home with them. Really. It's true.*
In my head, this post was going to be eloquent and it sounded much better than when I typed it out. Now I feel like a brat and a complainer. Uggh...perhaps I should just stop now before this gets worse.